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香港粵語爆笑笑話

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發表於 2020-11-13 10:50:26 | 顯示全部樓層 |閱讀模式
   1) 咩野系最高?  A: 無比膏(高)
  2) 有咩再俾第一題o既野更高?
  A: 強力無比膏(高)
  3) 點解NDS會勁過PSP?
  A: 因為NDS可以屈機
  4) 點解PSP可以再勁過NDS?
  A: 因為PSP可以屈爆機
  6) "ABBABAABAABBBBBAABBABBA" (從句子中猜一句問候語)
  A: long time no see(c)
  7) 菠蘿系橙黃色 , 咩羅系綠色呢?
  A: keroro
  8) 柯南病左 , 有邊個會探佢?
  A: 名偵'(名偵'探'柯南)
  9) 一隻螞蟻有6只腳 , 點解佢行過狗屎得4只腳印?
  A: 有2隻手要叉住個鼻
  10) USA個細佬系邊個?
  A: USB
  11) 從前左q同右q住埋一齊,後來右q搬走左,結果點呢?(猜四字)
  A: 阻(左)q住晒
  12) 點解白兔牌吻百蜜只兔系男仔?
  A: 一d都唔毑
  13) 狗會「汪汪」咁叫,貓會「喵喵」咁叫,咩會「咕咕」咁叫呢?
  A: 楊過(成日叫"姑姑")
  14) 咩薯最乞人憎?
  A: 喬治布殊
  15) A君拎住個熨斗去水務局,B君駕車去公園,C君就戴住頂帽坐監,究竟佢地做緊乜?
  A:玩緊大富翁
  16) 點解小明俾人打,佢阿媽系傾面都唔救佢?
  A: 俾人打到阿媽都唔認得
  17) 一隻蟻究竟用咩方法唔駛1分鐘就由香港去到美國呢?
  A: 地圖上面行
  18) 小矮人們偷睇白雪公主沖涼(猜一種飲品)
  A: 七喜
  19) 咩科我地應該唔理佢?
  A: 物理
  20) 人心繫咩色架?
  A: 黃色(人心惶惶"黃黃")
  21) A、B、C、D、E、F班,邊兩班最難教?
  A:c同e班(伊斯蘭教)
  22) 蛇A至蛇Z,邊條行得最慢?
  A:蛇C(餘詩曼"蛇C慢)
  23) 英文字母A到Z,E同T走左,仲淨番幾多個英文字母呢?
  A:21個字母(et會帶埋ufo走)
  24) 大雄因為唔做功課俾阿媽罰跪,叮噹究竟拎咩法寶幫佢?
  A:自動櫃員(跪完)機
  25) 一個梨,分給五個小孩吃, 要用刀切,平均分給所有小孩, 但要切三刀,怎辦?
  A:張個梨用兩刀十字切,之後用最後一刀對死其中一個小孩
  26) 世 上 最 「 寸 」 的 動 物 是 甚 麼 ??( 試 想 它 怎 樣 叫 )
  A:羊
  27) 高先生住系十三樓,佢出街時可以搭電梯直達地下,但如果返屋企既時候得佢自己一個搭電梯,佢一定搭到十二樓再上一層樓梯,點解呢?
  A:因為佢唔夠高按十三樓既制,so要上左12樓先
  28) 有三種動物在奧運會比賽三級跳,它們是猴子,狗和袋鼠,你估誰會贏?
  A:猴子,因為三級跳一定要單腳起跳,其他兩隻動物都唔識單腳跳
  29) 有一天,一隻識聽小小人話的馬騮贏得比賽,有三樣禮物比佢選擇: 一)現金五千元 二)相機 三)機票來回亞洲 經過主人說明禮物用途後,馬騮選擇了相機,點解?
  A:相機,因為識自動變蕉
  30) 有一個頭戴安全帽,上面綁著一把扇子,左手拿著電風扇,右手拿著水壺,腳穿溜冰鞋,請問他要去那裡?
  A:青山吧
  31) 一間牢房中關了兩名犯人,其中一個因偷?nbsp;,要關一年,另一個是強盜殺人犯,卻只關兩個星期,為什麼?
  A:因為佢判左死刑
  32) 一對僑居義大利的中國夫婦,某天太太到市場買雞胸,因為她不懂義大利話,只好學雞叫,再指指自己的胸部,想買雞腳便指自己的腳,老闆看懂了;後來她想買香腸,卻回家叫丈夫來,為什麼?
  A:因為佢老公識義大利話
  33) 身分證掉了,怎麼辦?
  A:拾起它
  34) 一位貨櫃車司機撞到騎電單車的人,貨櫃車司機受了重傷,而電單車騎士卻沒有事,為什麼?
  A:因為貨櫃車司機當時繫系街到行緊,唔繫系貨櫃車上
  35) 超人和女超人一起做伏地挺身,為什麼超人做完地上有一個洞?女超人卻有兩個?
  A:超人用單手做伏地挺身,女超人用兩手做
  36) 榴蓮和西瓜打頭,哪一個比較痛?
  A:頭比較痛
  37) 拿雞蛋丟石頭,雞蛋為什麼不會破?
  A:左手拿著雞蛋,把右手裡的石頭丟出去
  2.話說有架飛機比人騎劫,d乘客會對劫機者講d咩呢?估一手機品牌
  Ans:Nokia(落機呀~)
  3.補時贏波,估一汽車品牌
  Ans:保時捷
  5.點解BB唔識笑?
  Ans:因為可以笑的話,不會哭
  8.L訓低左會變成咩?
  Ans:Aeroplane(L平)
  10.點解晌船上唔可以講笑話?
  Ans:因為個海聽到會笑,咁就會引起海潚
  12.天空之城,估香港一地方名
  Ans:堅尼(離)地城
  13.麥當勞叔叔個頭,估一國家名
  Ans:緬甸(免電)
  15.學生最怕乜野魚?
  Ans:東星班(Don’t升班)
  16.乜野豬得一隻腳?
  Ans:珍寶珠
  17.魚無腳,蟹無翼,咁蝦無咩?
  Ans:太郎
  18.魚蛋粉入面有魚蛋,咩粉入面有雪糕?
  Ans:Seven
  19.有乜野唔可以擺入雪櫃?
  Ans:祕密,因為不能說的祕密
  20.承上題,邊個電視藝人唔梳得頭?
  Ans:朱咪咪,因為不能梳的咪咪(不能說的祕密同普通話讀)
  24.恐怖分子下面系乜野?
  Ans:恐怖分母
  25.承上題,咁中間系乜野?
  Ans:恐怖分線
  26.足球姓祝,籃球姓藍,咁柔道姓咩?
  Ans:姓誕,因為又到聖誕,又到聖誕~
  29.有怪獸入侵地球,我地應該點做?
  Ans:唱進行曲(超人的主題曲歌詞:這進行曲,一高奏,妖怪便逃走~)
  32.點解撩耳仔會好開心呢?
  Ans:因為Happy New Year~
  33.冬甩個爸爸系邊個?
  Ans:多啦A夢(片尾曲:冬甩個爸爸,冬甩個爸爸,多啦A夢)
  34.晌多啦A夢入面,邊個人大個左會做醫生?
  Ans:小夫
  35.晌多啦A夢入面,老師病左會傳染比邊個?
  Ans:大雄,因為野比大雄
  36.承上題,佢最先傳染比邊個?(唔系多啦A夢人物)
  Ans:小新,因為野原新之助
  37.多啦A夢姓咩?
  Ans:吳(片頭曲:多啦A夢唔~)
  38.點解多啦A夢成日話睇唔到野?
  Ans:因為佢伸手不見五指
  39.點解呢個世界上有東京、南京、北京但無西京?
  Ans:因為西經比唐三藏拎左
  40.Hello Kitty見到Dear Daniel塊面上有個交叉,點解Kitty會打Daniel一巴?
  Ans:因為個交叉系Miffy個口
  41.地球爆左, 咁要走去邊度?
  Ans:地球嘅右邊
  42.咩動物識打桌球?
  Ans:鷹,因為鷹識桌球
  43.九加四幾時等於一?
  Ans:睇時針吧
  44.一箇中文字,分起來會很爽,合起來會很痛,猜動詞(18+)
  Ans:咬
  45.廣東出冬瓜,廣南出南瓜,廣西出西瓜,咁廣北會出咩?
  Ans:出聲,因為講不(廣北)出聲
  46.咩生果唔打字?
  Ans:蕉,因為不打字蕉
  47.有咩老鼠得兩隻腳?
  Ans:米奇老鼠
  48.承上題,有咩鴨得兩隻腳?
  Ans:所有鴨(包括唐老鴨)
  50.柴、米、油、鹽,有邊樣唔系八十年代gei產品?
  Ans:油,因為油不是八十年代~
  51.夫差系吳國人,西施系越國人,咁勾?nbsp;系咩人?
  Ans:劉松仁
  52.麵包A、B、C、D,邊個包系苦?
  Ans:C,因為麵包師傅(C苦)
  53.一加一幾時會等於三?
  Ans:錯果時
  54.晌咩時候零會大過二,二又會大過五?
  Ans:猜包剪鎚果時
  55.咩動物會撕爛條鰻魚?
  Ans:蛇,因為餘斯曼(蛇撕鰻)
  56.小明比大明養,咁大明比邊個養?
  Ans:狗,因為久仰大名(狗養大明)
  57.益力多系咩味架?
  Ans:你今日飲左未
  58.李雲迪最憎咩理髮產品?
  Ans:美源發彩,因為美源發彩,冇得「彈」
  60.達文西密碼上面系咩?
  Ans:達文西帳號
  下面是荷媽說的幾個冷笑話,我記下幾個:
  1.有個女人去隆胸,醫生說呢:做兩個收十萬。可是做一個呢,打三折。
  這是為什麼呢?(疑問:兩個十萬,一個不是五萬?怎麼會打三折?)
  答案就是:一波三折
  2.有什麼事情比吃屎還要噁心的呢?
  答案就是:吃兩攤屎
  3.雞鴨鵝一起出去打球,回來開啟冰箱,裡面有三支汽水,打算每人一支,但是雞卻沒有喝,為什麼呢?
  答案就是:婀娜多姿(笑痴)
  4.黃胖子有一天患腸胃炎,他去見醫生,問醫生說:醫生,不知為何,我吃肥牛肉就拉肥牛肉,吃菜就拉菜,吃粉絲就拉粉絲....那怎麼辦?
  於是醫生就很正經的對黃胖子說:你的病很容易醫治的,很簡單~你說吃什麼就拉什麼....
  個麼你以後吃屎不就行了!
  5.柴米油鹽醬醋茶,有哪一樣是不屬於八十年代的呢?
  答案呢,就是“油”[又(油)不是八十年代(來自COOKIES唱的"心急人上"]
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